My Silent God

Dear God,

People tell me prayer is talking to you. They also say people in relationships talk and listen, so my prayers should include speaking and listening. What do you think?

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Dear God,

In human relationships, both participants initiate conversations. I'm sure some people would tell me the Bible is you starting a conversation. Or maybe they will say there is a "still small voice" that talks to me, if I were just still long enough and if I only listened hard enough.

Stillness isn't a problem of mine. I can easily turn off the music, the television, and the computer while sitting or lying around. Instead of finding myself undoubtedly in your presence, I feel alone. You never speak unless spoken to. I believe you're there--I believe you're here--but you never say a thing.

I've heard people say you speak through my thoughts. I think I speak through my thoughts. If you and I are having a conversations, but both of us are using my thoughts, then I feel schizophrenic, schizophrenic in what I understand as the clinical sense of the word.

Oh, if only I just had faith. If I would let go and let God. If I sought the counsel of others, then we would be able to discern your words and eventually I would just know your voice in my thoughts. Ecclesia schizophrenia?

It is no longer the eighth day. You are not at rest. Why won't you talk with me?

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Dear God,

I am left to believe "speaking" and "conversation" are some of the worst metaphors for prayer.

I'll keep "relationship" as a metaphor for our lives together, though. I still believe in you, your love, and your action in everyday life. You are immanent. You just don't talk, at least, not with me. I don't know why, especially if you do talk with others.

If you're not going to talk with me, I'm not going to promise to listen when I pray. I'm not even going to promise to pray. I know you'll listen. I'm not sure you really have much of a choice. But if you're not going to talk and you know my thoughts, I don't see the point in talking, unless I need some cathartic expression or I want someone to overhear me or, rather, read over my virtual shoulder.

Even if we don't talk, I'm glad we will still interact. Even if we don't talk, we will still work together for love.

Love,
-t

Amen.